Injury ... and patience

This week, I've injured my knee, so didn't do much exercise. It has been a trying week... I've felt very impatient - impatient because it seems like I've been going in the right direction, but again now taking a step back because of the knee pain. Even though, my trainer assured me that knee pain will heal soon enough, it still felt like it I'm stuck - and then started thinking why did I get myself into this state in the first place. How did I really let my body get into this state?! My trainer replied that injury is part of the fitness process, and is to be expected. It cannot be all ups, it has to be an up and down journey. Also, I am travelling to the US for 2 months. And it feels like I might lose the momentum that I've built. And then, how long would it take to get back on track? All these thoughts has brought me to a really negative state....

During the training session, we started with a meditation first. - Focus on breathing thru the stomach. Watch the breathing.  Think of your guru and god, and set intentions - to lose weight, get fit and go on the peace path - and help people. The meditation felt good. Already it seemed like some of the negativity dropped. Thoughts are just thoughts, they should not be given importance. Esp negative thoughts. If there is a thought, then write it down - check if it is inline with the goal, if it helps in any way - if no - then just tear the paper with the thought and throw it away - that  make the thought go away.
Why do we build up on negative non productive thoughts? That does not affect anyone else - no one even knows that we're depressed. But we affect ourselves. And this negative cycle builds up the cortisol - the sugar in the liver is sent to the blood stream and all the organs. This sugar is rejected by the organs, and then gets stored as fat. So the stress and negativity just leads to more fat being stored. So it is important to realize what we think - and if it helps in any way. Realize that the thought is not leading anywhere and only causing negativity, so then write it down and tear that up. This action helps get rid of the thought.
After this we did some stretching and exercises to help the knee recover, and also the sciatic pain. Both reduced a lot - Almost gone after the session.
Mental state was much better after the session. Felt much more relaxed and did actually do the tearing up exercise for a few thoughts. It did help! Felt happier.

Enjoying the Pain

 Had a wonderful session with my trainer, GG yesterday. Was feeling very tired initially, and tried to make all excuses to avoid going jogging. And the first jog was really hard. But because of GG's motivation, I kept at it. And he kept me interested by talking about knowledge and what is the mind on the way back. On the jog up, we concentrated only on the jog and the physical body, and the way down was knowledge session about what is the mind. He explained that there are multiple sections of the mind - one is the intellect. The intellect tries to dissect. Every problem that it is given, it'll try to break it down into smaller pieces to try to understand it. But sometimes in doing that, we lose the bigger picture. During the dissection of a frog for example, we'll cut it and get to know all the parts of the frog, but by the time we're done, the frog is dead - the live frog is no more. So the intellect by dissecting can lose the bigger picture. So in Hindu philosophy, it is first taught - Aham Bramhasmi ! I am Brahman - the universe. And if we start with that understanding, and then think about different things, we'll reach the right conclusion - that is real 'chintan'. The other part of the mind is the 'identity'. This is what we identify ourselves with. So if we identify ourselves as a woman or a man, as an Indian or American, as Hindus or Christians... All these are our identities. We think in terms of our identities - or we get restricted in terms of our identities. Brahman is again bigger than our identities. So we always need to remember we're bigger than our identity. Or even get out of our identity when trying to do chintan. That is thinking without any restriction of identity.

During meditation or dhyan, concentrate on the breathe. Breathe is the connection between the body and the mind. Breath is tied to life. Observe the breath without any intellect or identity. Without any judgement. Observe where it is touching the body. Also observe what happens to the breathe when we breathe in and breath out...where does the connection of the breath with the body end? This is good way to start chintan ...that will lead to realizations.
Then, we came back and did our workout...it was energizing. I also discovered that I had some sciatica pain. GG was able to show stretches and acupressure points to relieve the pain. The sciatica pain was completely gone by the end of our session - and I was feeling my energy coming back up.

The next morning, out of nowhere, it seemed, I sprained my back - but -- what a blessing in disguise it has turned out to be. The pain was a sharp pain, which started radiating in my chest as well..and every breath was increasing the pain. I told GG abt the pain. And he mentioned we'll resolve it in today's training. Then he said 'until then enjoy the pain'. And I was thinking - what! Why would anyone say enjoy the pain?! What does he even mean by that. I waited all day for the session.

I was really looking forward to see how he'd help with the pain  - maybe there were some stretches or acupressure points that he could help with. But the way he started the session was very different. He said we'll start with meditation - and try to reduce pain that way. Since the pain was in the back and chest, we first focused on the surya or heart chakra. Breathing out of the heart chakra. After that we concentrated on the pain area and were able to localize the pain to two spots in the back. Next we did some stretching and exercises - that relieved the pain in one of the spots.  The other one was still hurting a lot. So he suggested that we do a meditation. The meditation was about accepting the pain. Even though, the pain is there, I am ok. Even though I acknowledge the pain, everything else is ok. This thought stuck me very much - to acknowledge the pain and then accept it - and still feel that I am ok - it felt very relieving. It felt like I am always ok inspite of everything that is happening - some of which might be painful. Saying that I am ok made all the other parts relax, and accepting the pain allowed the pain to start healing. Everytime when something painful happens, it starts to affect all the other parts as well... Like during this back pain, the nerves around it also were concerned, and everything seemed very contracted - and painful - even chest had started hurting. By saying I am ok, all the other parts relaxed, and just the hurt part could begin it's own healing. The healing process is always internal - the body can do it's own real healing.I think I can apply this to almost all parts of life - I have been in the past used to denying the pain or not acknowledging it..which just makes it worse since it tries to assert itself more. But just the acceptance and acknowledgment that the pain is there, I think that starts it's healing.
After the I am ok meditation, the pain in the back reduced a lot - even tho it hadn't stopped completely, I was smiling! And the pain was now manageable. I completely believe that the healing started - and by the next day, the pain was just at 5%. 

Stress ... and learnings from the second Sinhagad trek

Yesterday was a Monday. I was still feeling high after the second Sinhagad trek the earlier day. Monday is our review day. But I was sure that we weren’t go have much to talk about and would mostly spend the session with a nice stretching or some exercises. Oh, was I wrong!

We looked back - and realized that I’ve lost almost 4 kgs in the last month. And so that means that the body is now beginning to let go of the fat. 
On Sunday during the climb, I had made a couple of claims - First was, I am not emotional and the other was that I am a positive person.
My trainer, GG tried to show how both of those things need a lot of work.
He gave an analogy of a football game. One side is positive, other negative... The teams spend time with ball either on the positive side (and feeling good) or the negative side. Where the team spends time in, and who wins are again different things. It is possible that most of the time was spent in the negative side, but sometimes with the right hit, a goal was made on the positive. What is important is how much time was spent on what side. If too much time is spent on negative side, then too much energy is lost, even if the game is won. As opposed to the time spent on positive side, then the game is enjoyable as well. For e.g On Sat when I spent such a long time worrying about the Sinhagad trek - more than 12 hours - hours when the stress hormone, Cortisol must’ve been predominant. And this stress hormone leads to the sugar in the liver being converted to insulin and supplied to the body, where it is rejected - and finally stored as fat. So many hours of stressing about the trek must’ve contributed to some fat stores.And then on Sunday, there was a good sustained activity of 2 hours - which definitely helped in the weight loss, but compared to the many hours of stress earlier, the net effect might turn out to be negative.This is how much stress can play havoc with the body - and we keep wondering why even after so much activity, and diet, the weight still remains high. In my case, I believe that there’s been long term stress - and that has affected the body and the hormones.One of the strategies to overcome this stress is to detach emotionally. Generally, we are very involved with our problems, and add a lot of emotional drama (masala) to it. First, look at the issue from our angle (doesn’t need any extra efforts). We do that anyway. Then look at it from the other person’s point of view. And then look at it from the newspaper’s point of view. Newspapers point of view is the neutral view with no emotional attachment on either side. When we can look at a situation from this point of view - the newspaper’s point of view, then we’ve achieved the ability to detach ourself from the situation and looking at the situation as is.

A story to illustrate this point: Once there was a old Chinese man. He had a very beautiful, white horse. He loved the horse and liked taking care of the horse. All the other men in the village were jealous of the old man with the beautiful horse. The king offered the old man lots of money to buy the horse. But the old man refused. One day the horse was gone. All the men in the village began to talk about how the old man should’ve sold the horse to the king. At least he would have a lot of money. Now, he was left with no money and no horse. The old man just said, “Earlier there was a horse, now there is no horse. Other than that nothing else has changed.” Few days later, the horse came back with 10 little horse (foals). Now all the villagers also gathered and said how lucky the old man was that he’d not sold the horse. He now had that horse back and also 10 more beautiful horses. But the old man was equanimous. He said, “Earlier there was no horse, now the horse is back with 10 other horses. Other than that nothing has changed.” One day, his son was riding the horse, and while riding, he fell down and lost his legs. Again, the villagers started talking about how unlucky the horse was since the old man's son lost his legs. The old man calmly replied, ' Earlier my son could walk, now he can't. Other than that nothing has changed.' Few days later war broke out, and all the young men were called to fight the war. But the old man's son was not called since he had lost his legs.The villagers were back saying how lucky the old man was since his son was still with him and did not have to go fight the war. What I've understood from this story is that we should take or accept life as it happens... No need to add extra emotions to it and start worrying about the future. Accept each moment, each day, each event as it happens.
One other method of dealing with stress is to write down what we feel. Once the thoughts are written down, they will not increase, then later when you read them again from a distant point of view, you'll be able to convince yourself that these are just thoughts and feelings - no need to give importance to feelings which will keep on changing. If negative thought cycle start, get up and move out of the room - go for a walk if possible...this will change the vibrations. And you're distancing yourself from the negative thoughts that you've sent out in the room. 

Second Sinhagad trek - and the stress

 I had been very busy at work the whole of last week and had missed all the sessions, - and by Sat, I was feeling like something was missing. So on Sat, I sent my trainer, GG,  a message that I was missing the exercise. And he immediately replied with how about going to Sinhagad to make up for the week. That, I wasn’t expecting, but I agreed. But it seemed very scary. Now I knew how much I had to climb, and I was starting to feel more and more scared as the day progressed. In fact, I tried to take a nap to forget about it, but only ended by worrying even more. Finally, I decided to try and cancel the plan. I sent GG another message about cancelling. He called up, and convinced me that we should climb up the next day - and that what I was feeling was all 'mental games’ (his words, not mine).I was feeling physically drained and weak in the legs - real physical sensations  - it didn’t feel like mental games. It was also my 4th day of the periods, so I was even more sure that it was all physical, that I was really feeling physically weak and drained. And that it was going to be very hard to climb up on Sinhagad the next day. Was also scared that once I started climbing - and had climbed a certain distance, I won’t even be able to turn back - because I’ve still not climbed down. So, once I started, I’ll have to go up - and what if I just couldn’t ?! What if it took me even more time than what it did the first time around. It had taken me 2 hours 40 minsthe first time. What if it takes even longer this time around ? What if my legs just gave up - and it is a pretty steep valley there. All these ‘What ifs’ were really torturing me - all day on Sat. Later in the eve, I was home alone with the twins. And the fridge handle broke, and I cut my hand. My hand was bleeding - and the first thought in my mind was that this is the perfect excuse. Now, I’ve hurt my hand so I can use this excuse for not going for the Sinhagad trek the next day. Struggled with this thought for a while. But I finally convinced myself that I want to find out if what GG was saying was true or not - was it really just mental games, or were these physical sensations real. I thought that someone was telling me that these sensations were all caused by the fear in the mind - they didn’t have a basis in reality… and I felt that I should explore if thats true or not. So I ended up not using the excuse of my hurt hand, put a band-aid on the cut and decided that I’ll go for the trek.The next morning, GG arrived at 5:15 and we started to go towards Sinhagad. I can only guess that he noticed how nervous I felt. And he kept talking and motivating me with stories about people who have accomplished a lot. We started climbing - it was still dark - It was 6:15 when we started to climb. The weather was perfect - not too cold nor warm. GG kept the atmosphere light - he kept talking, or rather he asked me about my week - and I had a lot to say - esp about the new responsibility that I was taking on at work. So I kept talking about that, or rather he kept me talking about that until he mentioned that we’d already passed 5 different points where we’d stopped the first time around. Now that was a real surprise to me - since I was walking at a steady pace (slow but steady), and wasn’t feeling tired at all until that point. Really! Had we really come that far ? I wasn’t able to find that weak sensation in my legs - and started to feel more confident about the trek. It slowly stared to get light - and what a view that was. The sun was creeping out from behind the mountains. ! The sunrise was just amazing - it was breathtakingly beautiful. And I was glad that I’d come for the trek - esp in the morning. And we kept climbing - and talking (which made the climb enjoyable). This time around, the climb was actually much easier than the first time. We had reached up in less than 2 hours. And I wasn’t feeling tired at all. Was that really me who had climbed all the way up? The feeling was just amazing!! So all those weak sensations were really the mind playing games. Because if it was reality, I would’ve felt that when climbing. But once I started climbing, I didn’t remember the drained feeling or the weak legs. It was just about going up - concentrating on the next step - and enjoying the beauty around. Yes, this time around I was also able to notice a little of the beauty around. It was all so fresh and green. So wonderfully alive! And it was such an great feeling to have trekked all the way up! 

Later, we came down by the jeep, had breakfast at a place near the farm. And we were back home by 10:30-11:00 - it was a wonderful morning!

Such a nice way to start the day.

The wonderful feeling, the achievement feeling, the good feeling stayed with me all day, even the next day.